Two groups of potters were given the following instructions: one group was told they could earn an A by creating just one fantastic pot while the other group was instructed to make as many pots as they could (the more pots, the higher the grade). When the researchers went back and looked at the results, they found that the group instructed to focus on quantity were more likely to have made a high quality pot than the group that tried to make just one work of art.
The lesson? If you want to create art (of any kind), create lots, and you are more likely to succeed. The message for me as a writer? If I want to write something good, I'm going to have to write a lot of bad stuff along the way. Hard news for a perfectionist to swallow.
For the last few years, as I have dived into re-inventing myself as a writer, I have been a potter in the one-pot-of-highest-quality group. Most of my energy has been devoted to writing my first young adult novel. And to show for my efforts, I have, as Anne Lamott would say, a "shitty rough draft" that I am now working to revise. Progress has come in waves. Periods of productivity followed by periods of stuckness. Through it all, I keep writing in my notebook, whatever words come, along with snippets of ideas that may eventually give birth to another novel or story or poem. I keep practicing my craft. Keep reading other writers to learn from their successes.
Lately, the question "What's taking so long?" has become more and more insistent. I used to think it was fear of failure. And then an insatiable drive for perfection that fueled that fear. And it was. But as I listened to Kate Messner talk about her own experiences of failure, I realized that the emotional roots reach even deeper. What slows me down is a wall (or a well, take your pick) of shame. A subconscious but oh-so-powerful avoidance of experiencing or feeling shame. The shame that might come from writing, sharing, posting or publishing something that is less than perfect.
Well, Shame, I write this entry to tell you that I'm not going to let you push me around any more. I know what it's going to take to get to where I want to go. Write. Write lots. Then write even more. Sometimes my aspirations and ambition will outshine my abilities, but that's okay. That's what's supposed to happen. And I will choose not to feel you when it does.
Yes, Shame, I am going to write you right out of existence.
