Clap on! - - Clap off!

You've heard it...the cheesy jingle for the miracle product that can be yours for just 9.99 (or some such bargain price): The Clapper. My husband was given one as a gift some years ago, and we have finally found a use for it, but it doesn't work exactly as advertised.

Shortly after moving in, we discovered that our new house does not have a light switch within reach of the door from the garage to the kitchen. The nearest switch is 6-8 feet away, enough distance to trip over a well-meaning cat who has come to welcome you home. Solution? The Clapper.

It should be noted here that The Clapper comes with very specific instructions in a 7-page mini-manual.

"The clapping sequence," it says, "is more important than how loudly you clap: CLAP (pause) CLAP (pause) (pause) (pause) where each pause is approximately 1/2 to 1 second long."

(For those who are not as well versed in Clapper operation, the long pause at the end indicates that you want the 2-clap appliance to turn on as opposed to the 3-clap appliance.)

Having read the instructions, my husband installed our Clapper, and at first, it seemed to work just fine. Open the door, clap twice, and voila--instant light! So long as your hands weren't full and you produced two claps of a sufficient decibel, the attached lamp lit up on cue.

However, it wasn't long before we began to notice that the lamp attached to The Clapper came on at times without our clapping at all. Even after my husband adjusted it to a lower sensitivity, the light seemed to be turning on and off at will. The explanation was simple: three words in the instruction booklet that we had overlooked on our first reading: "Each clap detection light will glow when a proper clap (or similar sound) is detected."

That is, if a sneeze is at all similar in sound to a clap. Or if two dishes clanking together as they are removed from the dishwasher (at least 20 feet away from the Clapper's sensor) and returned to the cabinet is similar in sound to a clap. Or if laughing at Leno's late night jokes is similar in sound to a clap. Turns out when they say similar, they mean that in the broadest sense of the word.

As for the 1/2 to 1 second pause between claps, turns out that's not so accurate either. My mom, on a recent visit, had no trouble getting the lamp to turn on with two claps in rapid succession, which could spell trouble for Clapper users who summon their dog for a walk with a couple of good claps.

In the end though, while it is annoying to be in the middle of reading a good book when the light goes off just because someone inadvertently makes a noise that triggers The Clapper, there is some good news in all of this. When I come through the door into a dark house with my hands full, if I can just muster a big sneeze, the light will come on anyway. I guess "Sneeze on! -- Sneeze off!" just didn't make as catchy a jingle.