The Truth about Real Life

"Real life is not college. Real life is not high school. Here is a secret no one has told you: Real life is junior high."
-Tom Brokaw, in a graduation address at Emory University

I came across this gem as I was reading the latest issue (June 2008) of the Funny Times, a paper dedicated to "humor, politics, and fun." And it's so true. Think about it.

You don't have to go far before encountering a real life example of Brokaw's maxim. Case in point, AOL's sports news yesterday(and it's not the first time they've broached the subject) featured a photo gallery of "The Hottest Olympians" -- with over 80 photographs. Good thing we're paying attention to what really matters in sports, eh? Okay, I admit that I had a teenage crush on Greg Louganis (the diver) and Mitch Gaylord (parallel bars) when they appeared on the Olympic scene, but since when have athletes' looks trumped their skills and abilities when it comes to newsworthy media coverage?

Real life is junior high (or middle school for the younger generation). Take the ever-increasing popularity of social websites like MySpace and Facebook. I haven't actually taken the step of joining such a site yet, so my understanding may be somewhat limited. But I've heard stories about people who become obsessed with how many "friends" they have on their list and how many people have "friend-ed" them lately. (Yes, I believe it's officially become a verb now.) It's a bit too close to the popularity contests that beset my junior high days. I found it easier to revel in being a brainy orchestra nerd...

Real life is junior high, and if you don't believe it, check out a website like Rate My Teacher.com or juicy campus (the college campus gossip site recently featured on a Dateline report). At the former, students gripe about (or rarely praise) their teachers publicly; at the latter, students make the private lives of their peers public (including a girl's rape and the outing of homosexuals). It's middle school behavior, and I know that, most recently, from several years of teaching eighth grade. I had long ago erased the viciousness of middle schoolers from my mind, so I was shocked by the degree of nastiness with which my students treated their fellow classmates.

Real life is junior high, and if you're still not convinced, just look at the coverage of the current presidential election. In yesterday morning's headlines, Obama took on members of the Tennessee Republican party, who went after Obama's wife for a comment that, taken out of context, they consider "unpatriotic." Celebrity endorsements take on the weight of gospel truths, as people wait with baited breath to find out who their favorite star will support. (Are there really people out there who will vote for Obama just because Oprah's on his side or for McCain because Bush is on his?). Candidates make SNL appearances chock full of self-deprecating humor, which as we all know, makes him or her seem more human, more relatable (who really uses this word in real life?), and thus -- sadly -- more electable. (How else do you think W. got to the oval office?) It's all a bit too similar, in my opinion, to the student government elections in junior high and high school where the most popular kids --rather than the most qualified -- were the ones elected, nine times out of ten.

The irony of Brokaw's comment is, of course, that most people surveyed wouldn't want to relive their junior high or middle school years if you paid them. The adolescent insecurities, the changing allegiances of friends, the awkwardness of puberty, the struggle for popularity...who would willingly go there again? And yet, somehow, that seems to be the kind of life we've created for ourselves in the "real world."